Your Walk is Heavy: A Jedi Exile's Story
by Cute Gallifreyan
Summary: Jedi Exile Liam Mandrell must overcome the demons of his past and present. He fought with Revan and his soul was shattered. He now walks the galaxy looking for either redemption or someway to overcome or conquer his past. A Sith Lords Story which follows the journey of a male Exile. Follows a few highlights from my story Who Am I: The Story of Phoenix Star


**Chapter 1: Peragus: Awaken**

 **~Liam Mandrell~**

 _::Awaken!::_

I coughed and sputtered as I woke up. Where was I? My brain struggled to process. The climate-controlled room managed to pump in the cold air and I realized I was in my skivvies. I still felt a bit sluggish, I felt like my head had been wedged in a brick. It took some time for the fog to clear in my head, _Who am I?_ It took some time for my brain to work. I gasped suddenly as my name came to me. I am Liam Mandrell, I had been a Jedi Guardian. A Jedi Guardian like…

No, I didn't want to think about her. Although I couldn't help but think of her because I had went against the wishes of the Order and joined her in her crusade. We had fought against the Mandalorians. _Where am I?_ Looking around I noticed kolto tanks and what held others, they were either fully unconscious or they were dead. Either way, they looked shriveled and they looked as if they were pickled in brine, and perfectly preserved. I stared at them for a moment, if I had access to the Force I would be able to tell if they were alive.

 _:: They are dead Exile…::_

Whose voice was that? It sounded old, like the voice that I heard within the kolto tank. The voice that slowly dragged me to consciousness

For me to be in kolto, I must have been injured. However, I don't even remember being injured. Frankly, I don't even remember being here, wherever here was. I remembered drinking many glasses of juma juice till I must have passed out. It wouldn't be the first time I had drunk myself into a stupor. There were many days like that in my life, drinking myself to unconsciousness. My life after the war had been filled with glasses of either Tarisian ale or juma juice. There was a pain and a hunger within me that without the Force simply couldn't be filled. The alcohol helped, well not really but it took the edge off. What happened between me being place in kolto and waking up in a strange environment? I tried to remember, but all I drew was a blank. Damn it, this was a bad time to have short-term amnesia. _She had amnesia too, a lot worse than you. It didn't stop her, so why should it stop you?_ I snorted, this was no time to remember her. I didn't want to remember her. Remembering her was like...being put up against a firing squad and being shot at point-blank range. It hurt. It hurt a lot. I was still shivering as I made my way to the exit and opened the door. Looking around, this place didn't seem familiar at all. Where was I? Judging at my unfamiliarity of my surroundings, I decided that the unfamiliarity was true unfamiliarity and not due to amnesia on my part. I read the Aurebesh that was on the doors. Morgue. I cringed. I tried to open the door, and it was locked. I tried the other doors, and they were locked or not functioning. I tried one more door; it gave way easily, and I found medical supplies. Ahh, this must be the med lab or med bay.

Finding a console panel I went over and looked at the logs. I raised an eyebrow, something bad had happened, like really...really bad and every single person floating in kolto that I had been around as I had already had been told was dead. Logs indicated some sort of malfunction had happened. My body shook not out of fear or dread but from a lack of anything to drink. I needed a drink. Damn...this was a bad time to detox from years of heavy drinking. _Breathe, Liam. Breathe._ You don't need juma. You don't need it. You've got to keep your wits about you. If you don't keep your wits, you'll end up dead. I pushed a few buttons on the console, and the doors to the morgue opened which seemed to be the only door that worked.

An old woman in a cowl was close by. The medical logs said she had been with me on a ship called the _Ebon Hawk_. _Ebon Hawk_ , that sounded familiar. Why did that ship's name sound familiar? I needed answers but I doubt that I was going to get them from the dead. I went over to the woman and checked her out. From all appearances, she looked as though she was dead. She had nothing on her of any value. _Wonderful, I am contemplating robbing the dead. I haven't done that since the wars._

I went over to another body. The body seemed shriveled beyond all recognition, compared with the old woman's body...odd...very odd indeed. If she was dead, her body should have been decomposing. I found some medpacs and what looked to be a torch of some sort. He or she wouldn't really need them.

"Find what you are looking for amongst the dead?"

I turned around to find the dead woman on her feet, well if she was on her feet she wasn't really dead. Well unless...she was dead. Don't be ridiculous, Liam you've watched way too many horror holovids while drunk on juma. Speaking of juma…I really could use a drink. My body feels like it's going to die without a drink. My hands shook nervously, and my throat was scratchy and dry. I felt like I was going to fall before the woman and beg her for whatever sort of liquor she had on her. As it was, I was nervous as hell. My stance automatically went to a defensive posture. However, the posture was sloppy and poor in its form, a rancor could probably take me down if it had a mind to do so.

"I…I…thought you were dead."

The woman seemed to regard me with carefulness and then responded, "Close to death, yes. Closer than I'd like. You have the smell of the kolto tank about you…how do you feel?"

Truthfully, I wanted juma juice. I craved it. My body shook, and I couldn't hide the withdraw I was feeling.

"A little groggy...a bit disoriented. I…was it your voice I heard while I was in the kolto tank?"

"I am Kreia, and I am your rescuer - as you are mine. Tell me - do you recall what happened?"

"My memory seems a bit patchy…I don't remember too much. I think I was on a ship. A ship heading…"I paused."I was going home. I haven't been home in a long time."

"Your ship was attacked, and it is no more. You were the only survivor... a result of your Jedi training, no doubt."

"Woah...slow down here. How do you know…what I am?"

"Your stance, your walk tells me you are a Jedi. Your walk is heavy, you carry something that weighs you down."

I sighed. I did rather betray that when I went into a defensive stance even though it was labored and I was out of shape.

"The Jedi Order and I have a... troubled history."

"So it would seem...Keep your past - and let us focus on the now."

"I am trying… I…I am unwell."

She snorted. "You floated in kolto and you're still unwell!"

"It's complicated, and I'd rather not talk about it. I...I need…"I scowled."Never mind what I need. It is my past and..."

I wasn't going to admit to this woman I needed a drink. If she had one, I doubted she'd give me one. I had the feeling she'd probably berate me for it.

"Never mind...I'll manage, and in time…I should be able to...handle it."

She nodded. I was satisfied she wasn't going to pry into my condition. I was about to fall apart physically. My hands shook nervously and I seriously felt like I was going to crawl out of my skin. I hoped I could handle being this long without…I need a drink. By the Force, I need a drink.

"The ship we arrived in must still be in this place. We should recover it and leave. We were attacked once, and I fear our attackers will not give up the hunt so easily - without transport, weapons, and information, they will find us easy prey indeed."

Attacked! A slew of images flooded my brain. I was on a ship. A Republic Ship. It was called the Harbinger. We were going to Onderon. Onderon was my home. I hadn't been welcomed back to my home in such a long time, not since Minden Ravenheart told me in no uncertain terms to leave.

"Alright…I'll look around. There has to be someone here that's alive."

"You may wish to extend your search to some clothes…if only for proper first impressions."

"Yea…clothing. I don't suppose it's every day I find a dead-not-dead woman in nothing but my underwear. It's a good thing you're old enough to be my mother. Otherwise, I'd feel a bit more exposed. Anyway. I'll go see what I can find around here. Maybe then when I get back you can answer my questions."

"Probably not. But perhaps... in time. I leave the exploration of this place to you, Exile."

I raised an eyebrow. How did this woman know I was an exile? Yet, she didn't seem inclined to answer my questions. "Yea, better that I risk my life than you. Thanks a lot, Kreia."

She folded up her arms. "Your manners could use some work, Exile."

"Yea...well...manners are a luxury and...frankly we don't have time for you to comment on my manners or lack of manners."

"There will be time to work on that later as well."

Frack, since when did this woman become my mother? Something about her seemed oddly familiar. Yet, my mind drew a complete blank.

* * *

A/N: Okay so first chapter and really rather short. I am not sure when I'll be updating this. But...I felt like at least a first chapter for Liam Mandrell, the Jedi Exile from my KOTOR I/Star Forge Saga which follows Revan/Phoenix Star. This will probably follow the KOTOR II story but will indeed deviate. Yet I couldn't resist at least writing something for the Exile who in this saga is a male and not the obvious canon.


End file.
